So you’re a doc, a foreign cuisine and Corona happened ( Fight for your independence)

‘I wonder if as you grow older you start seeking out more for your family. I mean, look at our dad and mom’. My sister commented one evening seeing how happy our parents seemed together at dinner. For better or for worse they did decide to stay together and we are and were indeed always grateful for that. Over a long run, I feel, they found their ways to let go, work through or found ways to compromise in their problems.

Hot blood. Young parents. Endless possibilities. New worlds. Looking at them even at my age now, I don’t dare imagine facing those obstacles and coming out the other way as a whole person. I empathise with their feelings, concerns and frustration much better now than I did as a child or a teenager. And although I had always been a protective sibling, I kind of felt guilty hearing my sister’s comment, realising I had never thought the effect of relationship dynamic our family had on them as well.

We have our tales that we laugh about. Tales where our parents can appear a little villainous. Don’t know how much of dramatic scenes are torched into their memories but I hope it only appears funnier as time goes by. As it does to me now. As a child you are susceptible to being easily triggered with emotions and are more impressionable. Only looking at the scene from your perspective, a child’s perspective, the problem naturally appears magnified. Not having ability to judge the situation also worsens the scenario. ‘Why is dad always with his friends when he is only back for holidays?’. ‘Why does Mom make a scene when Dad comes home late?’.

‘I was post partum 2 weeks. We had house under construction. Everyday work was costing us expensive labor charge. Finally husband is home, he will be helping me I thought. Ran out of cement to mix while laying down the pillars, so I asked him to go and buy. He wasted the whole evening sitting down with his boys and playing cards while I was at home with the workers waiting for him’. Mom still can’t forgive what happened about 30 odd years ago. Brings it out every time they have a major fight. Dad cannot let go of how Mom wouldn’t often let him enjoy finally some free time off duty back in the country.

Standing in position, asked to choose one, honestly I never really felt they belonged together. Mom was too good to be my dad’s wife. She was loyal to him and very devoted to us. Young. Could have found herself a family man. But chose to be with my dad, who was still very boyish in his heart and mind, with no sense of responsibility. Dad, quite charming at his age, still young as well could have left home and gone off on his search for finding himself, instead grounded himself with us showing up often in front of our door. Unfortunately for the pair, Mom had quick temper and sadly with his complex personality ‘Dad’ was her main trigger.

Standing today, I don’t blame either of them. They were both right in their own ways. Mom felt trapped and Dad felt overwhelmed. They were naive and the world around them was changing ever so much and moving so fast. But despite how worse it got we did see them try very hard individually to keep us ‘their children’ in their lives. And ‘trying your best’ is all you can do sometimes.’Would it have been nice if we had a normal family too?’. Well we were not even sure what we were asking for back then. Everything is forgotten and forgiven now. From our end.

I don’t judge. At least I try not to judge when my patient’s children refuse to make amends with them even in their death beds, do not make time to come to hospital when they are critically unwell, refuse to participate in any decision making for them and leave them in hospital beds for christmas holidays. In same ways, I try, try not to judge my patient’s decisions to be emotionally distant from their family members. It would be nice though for everyone to have someone to support them in their difficult times. But, when relationships are broken and are left broken at the time when both parties are rationally able to think from both perspectives, chances are they will never be reformed again and, by choice.

‘I cannot leave, watching faces of you and your brothers and sister’, Mom would say tearful. She couldn’t. She was dependent on my dad financially at the time, ‘and children need their father’. ‘I cannot leave’, Dad would say, knowing if he didn’t provide financially we were in trouble. In very knitted close society where they both grew up in, ‘divorce’ wasn’t an option.

‘It is important for women to be financially independent,’ I will always emphasise that statement over and over again to every generation of girls out there. Would you rather not be in a relationship where you had many choices but you chose to be with your partner than being strapped to one because you had no options? By nature, we as humans appreciate things more when we know our pick was the best in the slot. Individually my parents were great people, were they right pick for each other though? Married in their early teens, what did they know, how various influences in their maturing brains was going to impact their view of their partners 5 or 10 years down the line?

I get distraught at the idea of so many women choosing to not have careers. Especially young women. Sold at idea of marrying rich and living comfortable lives at earning of their husband. Doesn’t matter if he is married with 2,3, 4 or 5 wives. As long as he spends on you and you don’t need to clock in your time working for anybody right? Being a housewife to fulfil parental responsibilities/ care duties I understand, it is a full time job on its own, better to save than paying a stranger for hours. But what about other times? When one is fully dependent on another person every day of ones life, you are giving them full control and power over you. And that is a dangerous thing, because power and control eventually follows violence and abuse. When you are choosing to be stay at home wife, there is money being spent on you, irrespective of what you choose to believe. Money that comes out of his bank account as a proof of how much it is costing to have you with him, in a condition that you provide absolute loyalty and undivided attention. When the relation dynamic changes for any reason, your loyalty that he perceives as bought which he has full transactions for, will be used to prove that you had no input, asset invested or loss incurred in this relationship. There is no ledger to display emotional support you have invested on him, hours you have waited on dinner table to serve home cooked food, doing household chores etc. So, with the dissolution of relationship, you have lost time , mental peace while he has walked out with no repercussions to another one. If you are lucky hopefully he left you a little alimony money to get you started again with education or career. Who is to blame? His feelings changed so he changed.

Just work. If you are not the one willing to share your husband either. Where he is providing for you and his singular control on your life is disseminated among his other partners so you are ascertained a degree of freedom for yourself. We didn’t fight for our rights for equality for women to be victims. If you made an active decision to have it easy, you must have thought about the consequences of it. You can’t have both ways.

‘Women will always be in advantage to men no matter how they want to subdue her.’ My mom says. ‘Look at animals & birds, its always the males seeking for attention, fighting amongst themselves for the winning the mating rights with females. Nature made us weak but important in our roles to give off springs. Only the toughest, healthiest and skilled male were to have the privilege to shire next generation. Given a choice you had to put down a rooster or a hen, a bull or a cow, a dog or a bitch; what would you choose? Men didn’t want those rules because that would mean many would not have that privilege. So it was essential they conquered us and reduced our status so we were forced to pair and reproduce with them. Women are now educated, have reached powerful positions, can speak up and are levelling their fields of mating games. You would see why patriarchal values would have problems with that, don’t you? That’s why women should always marry at or above their levels. A man who wants an upper hand and does not pose a challenge, should not be worth her time. She should keep her standards high. People say, a woman increases the value of a man. They forget, just as much the dress or jewellery she wears, a man needs to complement her status. For a woman, a man is her biggest prize. Naturally she is picky. If you are wealthy- you are a hard worker, a leader ‘quality attributes’, if you are smart- you are adaptive, survival traits ‘quality attributes’ , if you are good looking, well built, fit -good genetic attributes. In the end, no matter how it pans out, physically we may be disadvantaged but remember, men need us and they will be killing themselves and prize would still be us, the women. So rather than fearing us, men should accept us, to live and to let live, in peace and harmony.’

Greatest achievement we as women had in our history was development of contraceptives. Because this meant we were now in control of our fertility. Snatched from us again, no autonomy over our own wombs anymore, no abortion rights; I am thinking about my mom’s statements ‘women are levelling’, ‘they will always want upper hand’. I read some controversial articles a few days ago about brain dead women patients being able to deliver baby vaginally or via c-section, their body acting like a hatchery of some sort for the fetus till its complete development… What does ethical committee have to say about that? What about uterine transplants? The ethical implications of it from live donors? To avoid legal obstructions of surrogacy and third party related effects, would it be the favourable path in future for childless parents to conceive? What will be done to prevent human exploitation of our genders to benefit society in name of religion, politics and science?

I wonder if it is really true that society does start moving backwards when it has reached its maximum potential. While I see girls and women in east working hard to fight for their independence to gain personal, religious and financial freedom; I feel young women in west are willingly giving up on those rights oblivious to struggles and oppression faced in the east in absence of these rights. Young generation of girls and women there in east are now very motivated , pursuing education, jobs and careers. And they have done remarkably well. I suppose in a society, when you see your value as a commodity to be easily auctioned or replaced, the only way out for us as women was to outbid those buyers. So if we don’t want to be traded like cattle again, we have to work for our freedom, maintain our standards and teach next generation of our children to value and keep it as well.

So you’re a doc, a foreign cuisine and Corona happened (2 faces of same coin)

People are scared of the word ‘feminist’. They find the word to be very political and tend to stay away as much as they can. To be honest, I was no where near comfortable with the word myself in the beginning, till I started understanding it and embracing it myself. Yes, people might use the word variably implying different meanings, some are positive and some are negative. My understanding of it remains, that I, a woman, be treated in equal standings as to my male counterpart/ counter sex in my roles as an employee, at home and in my contributions to the community. That ‘I’ be not confided in my station as a house keeper, a wife or a mother and, be given equal opportunities as my brothers and male friends to showcase my talent, to prove my worth in world out there to be able to earn for myself my name, my honour and my status; irrespective of the name I inherited from my family or added by virtue of my marriage.

We were designed specifically by nature as men and women to be different in our capabilities and that is a solid scientific truth. We differ in our physical builds, physical stamina & strengths, emotional & nurturing attributes and many other things by make of our variance in our chromosomes; as XY for males and XX for females. I am petite and of small frame. If I even utter a single word called a ‘feminist’ my brothers and my male friends laugh jokingly, ‘Here’ they say, ‘lift these weight‘ pointing to 30kg dumbells ‘equality at work, work division’. Now, if I try hard, I can definitely lift those on occasions but not everyday, it definitely would not be a job suited for me. There are exceptional women out there who do it with no problem but I am speaking about majority of us. And I guess, here is where everyone is missing the point. Equality is putting someone at a platform where one is adjusted to a position keeping in consideration of all the abilities and skill set one possess while also keeping in mind where they might lack. In this case of dumb bells, I lack on physical strength. My skill would perhaps be more useful in other areas. Like hospitality. By virtue of nature, women are blessed with more comforting appeal. Most companies, on their front row for their customer service prefer women for this reason.

Some of my strong feminist friends may have a problem when I state, ‘I feel comfort & security at my father, brothers or boyfriend’s presence’. ‘You are independent woman, you should be able to defend yourself. Look after yourself, you don’t need a man’, they might say. ‘We don’t need a man’, that is correct. ‘In life one doesn’t need to need anyone. One chooses to have one. Family, a society’. There are people living out there all alone by themselves choosing to have no one. I will not deny for the sake of it, to my hardcore feminist friends, who I feel have clouded the definition; that I do have a natural predilection to feel safe in a masculine presence. Not necessarily a beast of a person, but someone who is stronger than me. And as far as I know, this is a joint feeling of most girls/women I have come across including my educated, self sufficient, strong headed, women in career friends.

For what we lack in physical strengths, we as women contribute as more emphatic individuals, as resilient other halves and on fostering emotional securities with our partners, with our children and in our communities. There are jobs where we are able to contribute equally and there are jobs where our counterparts might outperform us or we might out perform them. Feminism is understanding these differences, receiving equal treatment in terms of ‘the equality’ I talked about earlier.

When I talk about feminism, I am requesting to be equally valued for the sweat I put on the table like my male colleagues. That I be paid equally for equally valued work. That I be considered for career opportunities as well without someone whispering ‘oh shite’ learning that I am at prime reproductive age and knowing my plans for pregnancy. That I be not treated as ‘no good deal’, when I try to come back to work having lost months/years on child care. That I am at least given an opportunity to hone again on my skills, to prove myself and to be back on my career track. That my husband listens and respects my decision as much as I respect his and my contributions to our economic stability is as considered as important as his. That he values our times and our effort together in raising our children with no fuss on who does the dishes and who cooks food every night. And that in community, I am respected for my beliefs, for my values and I am allowed to exercise my freedom/ my rights as I see fit just as my other half is entitled to. That I be treated as equal citizen like the equal tax contribution I make every year.

Researches have shown men have higher suicide rates than women in majority of countries. By exercising domain over women culturally and religiously, our societies fails to see the pressure it is putting in our men. On our fathers, husbands, bothers and sons; who are expected to be the providers of the family. Working beyond hours, their muscles aching with fatigue, sleepless nights. There is no where else for them to vent their problems. They are expected to portray these strong characters at all times like they have it all under control, when inside they are falling apart. Needless to say, domestic violence is one of the consequences of these outburst of emotions, of failures of their unmet personal needs and compulsion to meets with standards of expectations the society outlines for them. Sharing that responsibility of economic burden and the decision would help them ease on their duties while making us ‘the women’ feel more empowered and more liable for our decisions. Would it not be a win-win situation.

‘A woman that is not happy, is a home that is broken’, the saying goes. I won’t say there aren’t women living in comfort of their lavish life style given by their husbands, only a minority; at the same time, there are women out there who want to read, to work and find their independence. To each their own. I will certainly say, a woman that works has less problem to discuss when you are home from work. Hahahaha 😉 . Same goes for a man, by the way. ‘Idle mind is a devil’s workshop.’ Anyways, my point is ‘Feminism’ is power that gives women a choice to make their own decision about themselves, about their life. To be and to stand as an equal in eye of law, in her position in the family, in the community and in the world. It is not about dominance or exercising power, or saying I am genetically superior than you, it is about accepting that we are equal halves. That we should contribute equally, that our problems are shared and not yours alone. That we are two wheels of same cart or the two faces on one coin. So we belong together not on division.

Reign of the Queen ( so you’re a doc, a foreign cuisine and Corona happened)

After more than 70 years of reign on the throne, Elizabethan era has now come to an end with demise of her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II at the age of 96, on September 8th 2022. Her successor Prince Charles has been crowned the new monarch with the title King Charles III as the head figure of the United kingdom and 14 other common wealth countries.

King Charles III has been stated to be the oldest king to ascend the throne in British history, which reflects well on late Queen’s good health, enthusiasm and dedication to her duties of the crown. 10 days of mourning period was announced for the nations to grieve their loss and bid their farewells. In good words. In words where her subjects sang of the pride and elegance she held herself with, of the smiles she brought in each of their homes supporting and encouraging them to stand for unity, with a face of a mother in soft spoken & polite voice but never faltering addresses to the world representing her people and the crown; as a force to be reckoned with.

‘She did well’, my mom said. And I nodded my head. In some ways, for us, she is a loss not only of a monarch of the lands but of a figure ‘the women in us’ look up to. In a world where we know how little our lives as women can make an impact and is valued, she stood like a burning flame of a mythical bird phoenix. Had their been a male heir on line of descent, she would have never succeeded the throne either at the time. She embraced her role. Needless to say, did it very well.

Prince Charles III does seem to have a big shoe to fill in with his royal image. Especially with his history with late Princess Diana and Prince Andrew still on public image as sex offender. ‘That happened under her rule. Can she have done something more?’, my friend is not so impressed of the hymns being sung . ‘I don’t know,’ is my answer. ‘Not every criminals are born to felons. Sometimes despite nurturing homes, despite royal status’. There is a big public scrutiny over every royal family members of the link. On that note, I am impressed by District court of New York. ‘No one should be above the law. ‘

‘Why are you in the kitchen? You are going to burn it down’. My mom used to say every time she saw me in our kitchen. To be fair in her part, I am someone who even burns tea. As in I’ll put something in stove, half an hour down the line, there is no sight of me and the vapour has evaporated, the residues of tea has stained yet another pot and I am on scrub duty for another half an hour.‘You have other things to do’, she would say. Always.

To this day I don’t know how to cook properly. I swear, until now when I go home, my sister packs me food of 3-4 days worth and sometimes, even takes days off or clears her schedule to grind in the kitchen for me. Hey! I can cook some things. But they just wouldn’t have me in the kitchen and, it has sort of become a tradition now to ‘scare’ me away as soon as I am spotted. Like they do to crows in my country when one spots in veranda as a bad omen.

‘You don’t need to learn this’, mom often said watching me paying attention to how she knits. ‘These are for people who don’t have work’. Used to watch grandma make mats out of maize corn covers. Imagine how cool it would have been, had I learnt. ‘Shoo shoo’ mom would flap her hands about motioning me to go away.

‘A woman’s life is very hard. You need to be able to stand up for yourself, go out in the world and make yourself a name & money. Go study. I am sure you have lot to do’- Mom

‘For you to be a successful my dear’ said one of my aunts. ‘Either you have to be a very beautiful or a very smart girl. Nothing in the middle would work. Anything average, you have to commit to average life of marriage & family. Days goes by and aspirations too then. To rise from it, you have to hustle everyday from now.’

Dad supported moms decisions. Coming from the environment they were raised where girls worked mostly on fields and were spoken for, for their first cousins by the age of 12 or 13. Their support was enormous. They prioritised our educations. ‘Anything that is best’, he used to say. One can never underestimate an image of a father in a patriarchal society. Having a husband, a presence of masculine energy in the household; name alone despite physical absentee offers a big emotional security to a woman and her family to plough through their days. This is a society where identity of a man grounds her & her children’s into a box that labels ‘socially acceptable.’ And this was a harsh reality both my dad and mom ensured ‘me and my sister’ knew from the very beginning.

‘When you seek husbands remember -A character of a man comes from virtues he was taught & from the environment he was raised at. Same is with girls. There is a saying in our village, a poor man’s daughter looks good by her face. A wealthy man’s daughter is good by her name. Choose the right man.’

It is confusing at times. The emphasis Mom seems to be putting now, on our success to be determined by the husband we’d land for ourselves when they raised us since we were kids as though we were boys, being reminded on multiple occasions our femininity makes us weak and we had to fight to be strong & independent to defend our lives and our rights as a human, as a wife and a mother someday. Shouldn’t our value be determined by what we have achieved so far than our partner’s social status? I am a little disappointed.

‘Nobody chooses a wrong partner because they want to. Mistakes happen. Divorce is okay. Single mom can raise children as well and do it right. You raised us almost by yourself you should know’. I speak gently trying to slowly ease her biggest fear that we might become single mothers and a ridicule target of society. ‘A house needs a man’s roof, protection & decision. I am not saying a woman is not capable but …’, Mom says.

Being raised under roof of strong men and women, I will not argue gender roles. A child needs both. By nature, we simply don’t have amenities to stand up to being both dad and mom in one. However, my mom comes from days when women endured a lot, including domestic violence and abuse from their partners because they were financially dependent on their husbands, had no means to get away and were forced to persist in loveless marriage by society. As strong headed as she is, she does have a unconscious bias having seen it as a norm that to an extent it is still normal and it is acceptable. Why?

‘Commitment speaks of your values, establishes you as a person of your word. That means something’. She says.

‘Ofcourse. And won’t we be lucky then. But there is a word called toxic relationship’.

In many parts of world including where I was raised, women are underprivileged solely because of the gender bias. A dowry is higher for a daughter who has more education and a job than those without. I would not be able to afford a husband in those communities. What good is relationship and partnership when it is signed before its birth with money?

‘It’s not easy. A woman’s life. And they will never let you have it easy either. So you should be your biggest ally. Only accept help when you need to. No shame in asking others for help. But a favour received is favour owed. Always hold your head high. If you have your reasons, if you are right, you hold your grounds no matter what.’

I do hope I have inherited some of my mother’s strengths and pray, none of her peculiarities. I do hope I also find a partner who supports & respects my decisions and stands for our ground together even though it meant turning down /fighting against the privilege he was blessed with. In my eyes, that would be a biggest sacrifice. I watch my dad cook and clean and it warms my heart. His friends would tease him saying ‘here you are being a house wife again’, but he never let it go to his head. I won’t say, he is an ideal of what every woman should expect but a quality in a person, who is thoughtful enough to say, ‘I can share the work and this is both our job’ is something everyone of us, every woman wants. There is a word called ‘conformity’ I came across in psychology. It is tendency of an individual to try to fit in the society. Not necessarily a bad thing, we are after all social animals. But I feel this nature drives a majority of men to believe that they are inherently superior beings to the other sex, authority and violence is therefore acceptable; and women to believe, they are condemned to this treatment.

Anyways, steering back to role of Queen in my life… In some ways, I have always been thankful to my dad’s recruitment into the army under her reign ; with her face in every coins they held in their hands. These weren’t silver coins alas that they traded for freshly pressed razor sharp bank notes in a bamboo woven trays. But, these were keys. To every locked door my mom closed down because of her insecurities. These were keys to her confidence in a new era where her daughters would indeed work shoulder to shoulder with men and be accepted not just for how they look or how much handy they were with household chores but for their skills & talents. Their heels here would never be sorely cracked or the palms be dry and roughened working on fields/labouring in factories trying to put food on table for the young. These were the keys she was always praying for, to the world of the Queen where she saw no daughters will ever be caged of their dreams and of the opportunities they wished they had. No, it wasn’t perfect. Oh the world is so far from being perfect for her daughters, but at least here she had strong hope. ‘My daughters will some day work in an office with people on fancy white shirts, they will have enough money to pay their own bills & buy their own houses. They will walk down the halls, down the roads with their heads held in pride while the world looks at them with respect, ‘look those are Mrs … daughters’, they will say. And they will be married to these men with most beautiful souls who will always keep them happy. ‘

So you’re a doc, a foreign cuisine and Corona happened (Second class citizen).

The Guardian on 25th June posts on its headline ‘Covid cases on the rise across UK as Newer variants dominate’. COVID is back again. Not that it ever left, but the numbers are big enough to get attention and to deepen our furrows in an anticipation of what it might result to. Like a bad juju. I don’t even allow myself to entertain the thought of going back to lockdown anymore.

It seems to be driven by BA.4 and BA.5 variants of omicron. The cases are mix. They might be quadruple, triple, double, single vaccinated or none at all. Still not as unwell as they were in first wave. Hence the behaviour of general public, ‘not a damn given’. Which is kind of good. Last thing we need is panic driven public in our road to slow steady recovery.

Not surprisingly The Guardian mentions ‘levels are highest in London and among those aged 25-34′. Work and social life isn’t it? Both my brother and sister have tested positive this week too. After all this time since COVID began for the first time. I know many people who have had now by 3-4 times already. My brother is fine, sister is down with terrible flu symptoms; is slowly recovering.

But, moving on from COVID, my attention this time is more focused on page 12th and the 13th of paper. As soon as I saw the headlines, it felt as though someone had slapped me across my face. ‘Biden warns of lives in danger as supreme court overturns Roe V Wade’, ‘Blood in their hands’ Doctors hit out at abortion decision.

There is a lot to follow in the news. For those who are having difficult time to grasp the head end or the tail end of it, I will just copy past a few lines I have been reading through from the same pages.

‘The US supreme court has overturned the landmark the Roe V Wade case, which granted women in the US the right to terminate a pregnancy.’

‘The court decided there is no constitutional right to abortion in a case called Dobbs V Jackson Women’s Health Organization. In reaching that decision the conservative-majority court overturned Roe V Wade, from 1973′.

‘As a result states will ban or severely restrict abortion.’

‘Twenty six states are expected to do so immediately, or as soon as practicable. This will make abortion illegal across most of the south and Midwest’.

Every women worldwide must have felt that. The slap, I mean. A force across her soft cheek by a sturdy rough hand with a brute force, aimed precisely to cover most of her face and with no doubt with an aim to disfigure her beautiful features. Including the queen.

It comes as shock even to us as health professionals. How a country like USA that is always on the lime light; a country of dreamers, forward thinkers, world leaders and entrepreneurs; that is an image of pinnacle of social acceptance, equality, diversity and freedom to the rest of the world, can make a decision like that. Like the British prime minister Boris Johnson says, ‘a big step backwards’.

In the UK , ‘abortion act 1967’ allows medical termination of pregnancy less than 24 weeks if continuation of pregnancy possess risk of injury to physical or mental health of pregnant woman or any existing children of her family, continuation would involve risk to her life and, there is a serious risk that if the child were to born it would suffer from such physical and mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped. Beyond 24 week, there are only limited and specific circumstances justifying it.

None of my male colleagues seem to welcome the idea either. So I am guessing the problem is not with gender bias or hatred of some form for opposite sexes. Yet why does it feel like the punishment was only to us? ‘Has anyone thought about teenage boys not ready to become fathers yet?‘ like my colleague rightly asks.

I hope women advocating for pro-life have strong reasons to stand their grounds because losing this battle is losing basic rights of freedom for all womenkind. Standing at this pivotal time, celebrating victory while marching a movement that will imprison and incarcerate us, our daughters and granddaughter and generations to come; let us pray that they have enough will to forgive themselves when the consequences of it, if not directly but eventually will find its way to them. Those eyes that are too full of self righteousness at present time, that refuses to see the tears and hear screams of underprivileged girls and women, while sitting behind white picket fences while enchanting lord’s name 20 times a day; feels traitorous to look at now.

A decision like that, made by a country like USA has a big impact in the world. It indeed has ripple effect. I cannot even imagine what dreadful events it will trigger in a cascade now, in countries where society is religiously and culturally male dominated. Where parents sell their daughters like goods to pay off debts, where marrying off your daughter is good riddance but with a big cost in the form of dowry to her husband, where women can’t drive, can’t pray in the same hall as men, where women have no right to decision who they can marry or can refuse, where rapes are happening everyday accepted culturally and religiously, and even if they are not; where women don’t have a voice, can’t stand their trial because society won’t let them- without hanging themselves down the ceiling motionless, cold and frozen before her perpetrator. Could be stranger, could be a friend, could be a father. Who cares. With decisions like this, they are the end results. These victims will never be able to run, never be able to ask for help again. As sad as it is, then, it wouldn’t be wrong to say, dogs are better treated than humans even in USA. Classed as second class citizens, women no longer have their basic right to their own body and to their own wombs. Somebody please reassure me that, there will still be access to contraception right?

Are we even allowed to chose our own mates then? That is one big question. Like some villages in Nepal, girls will be openly kidnapped, the acts will be romanticized by men, by society; they will raped openly on the streets. Men and boys will fight amongst themselves to decide who gets to force himself on her first to plant his seed. They know, she will bear him children. Abortion is illegal, what choice will she have. At least justice is done there with blood for vengeance if the intention was not to marry the woman?

What about mothers with babies with severe birth anomalies? No mother should be forced to watch their new-borns struggle for life whether it is just for few mins, hours, days or months. Definitely not to adulthood, completely helpless and dependent on her to sustain breath, suffering every moment of it, hating themselves and her for bringing them to the world in their cruel faith. What about those with still births?

Such a primitive mindset. You’d think with so much scientific developments, technologies, increased literacy rates – world would only move forward. No. Like my friend says agreeing to Boris. ‘We are going back’. ‘Back to no abortions, back to wars and back to plaques’. What is next, will every boys and men who have sired a certain number of children be nipped off?

Its outrageous how a group of bad politicians and their decisions can outstrip humans of their basic right of autonomy of their own bodies. How many among those decisionmakers were ones with uterus and fallopian tubes? If there were any, I am sure they would have considered that there will be rise in crime rates, consequently in girls seeking abortions in black markets, in dingy rooms with unsterilized equipment risking their lives. That mothers will once again grieve at birth of their daughters. And our tomorrows will be on hands of a generation who we’d have failed to protect from physical abuse, emotional abuse and life long neglect from their own mothers right? Is it so hard to see, what the result of their action will lead to? This is not just opinion we are talking about. We are talking about enforcing laws and affecting lives.

PS- Its a 100th post. I had set out that day– with an aim that I’ll stop once I post my 100th. One of those things i had to do from my ’things to do’. I had drafted when I was going through a little difficult time during COVID. And here it is! Any extra I write from here onwards will be a bonus work for myself. I congratulate myself for commitment. Thank you for being a part of this journey. 😁