10. My safe space
I met my bf on summer of 2019, that year of Corona. And although distance and emotional turbulence rocked the boats of many relationships, we feel it has strengthened us.
He has been comfort pillow for me throughout the endeavours and although he had his own host of situations like being without a job for a length of time, he has never let the situation get the better of us.
We are close now. To the extent that our conversation once went like this, word for word
‘Babe I was so constipated this morning. But I knew if I take this dump it will most certainly obliterate my a-hole completely so I didn’t think it was worth it…‘
As a medical personnel, we are used to asking funny questions. One time I asked my patient, who had a major bowel surgery 3 days ago whether she had passed any wind from bottom yet. She replied ‘oh that’s an awkard question isn’t it? But if it pleases you to know, I did have a little whiff this morning’. And as you can imagine, we are used to funny answers. I had to explain to her, ‘farting’ basically meant her bowel has started to work, is propelling the gas down the colon therefore is a good news to us. But, trust me it doesn’t mean we are readily ready for conversations like ‘a dump obliterating a-hole’ always.
He is my support bubble. Having atleast one individual to hug sometimes in this mayhem really does miracles. ‘Come here to your safe space’ he said to me yesterday hugging me tightly, seeing me distressed reading a comment from a man whose mixed race daughter, had to cover her face everytime they went for a walk in the neighbourhood. ‘You know, I have some colleagues and friends who are mixed race with half an asian heritage.’ I said. ‘And physically they look more asian. May be more fair skin tone, lighter hair, lighter/different colour of eyes but still with dominantly asian features. I fear our children will be same, half English-half Nepalaese; and with all this happening. I’m worried about even bringing them to this world’. He sighed. ‘I’m sorry baby’ he said. ‘We just have to believe it’ll be a better world then.’
It was not his fault. He didn’t need to apologise. But that is the man, he is. It makes me appreciate and admire him more. He has always treated me with so much respect, attention and affection. When I am too tired to take the trains or can’t find one on my off dates, he drives all the way through the Wales and to the cities, almost 2 hr long car journey to reach me. And that’s just 1 way. And everytime we drive across the Severn bridge to come back to my place, back to my work, my heart dims a little, missing a sense of familiarity that was almost as cozy as home I grew in.
We learn everyday of our differences. And although by human nature, people do tend to look for similarities in their partners in terms of looks, socioeconomic/racial background we feel in these dissimilarities we have, we are building a strong foundation.
I wanted to see his family this Christmas for holiday celebrations. We decided it was best not to. I’m a high risk to them, because of my hospital working environment. And I wouldn’t want to be a cause of an illness. I haven’t even seen my parents for ages.
‘I have dated women from more than 19 countries’ stated a charming young man I went on a date at the start of that year. I remember feeling like a checklist of a world’s country map when he said that. ‘Unique’ he described me, trying to reeling me in with his blue eyes. Curling my hair, I sat in front of my mirror for a long hour that day storming in my head whether I should be going on this different date… Surely I didn’t want to be with someone who had been collecting stamps from the globe. ‘Take a chance’ Said my friend, ‘you never really know’.
And I did. Showing up an hour and half late on a date, waving my hand across the road to a 6’2 feet tall man with a set of pearly eyes, curly hair and an infectious grin that extended up all the way near to both his ears…
I have never looked back again.